If a Friend or Partner Has Experienced Violence

Give them control over their healing process.聽Everyone heals in their own way and time. All power and control was stripped from the survivor during the violation. Returning control to them is an essential step to demonstrating respect and care.

Believe them unconditionally.聽 Make it clear that you believe your partner or friend was violated. Reassure them that they are NOT to blame.聽Only the perpetrator is to blame. It does not matter where the survivor was, or what they were wearing or doing. The fault lies solely with the perpetrator.

Listen respectfully and without judgement.聽Allow your friend to speak without interrupting. Use nonjudgmental, non-blaming language.聽Show concern, but do not judge or blame. For example, instead of 鈥測ou should leave鈥 or 鈥淚 would never put up with that鈥 say 鈥淚鈥檓 worried about you.鈥

Respect quiet and let them share what they are comfortable with.聽Sometimes a victim/survivor will need you to be a supportive, but quiet, presence.聽If they pause or stop, sit quietly and let them guide the conversation. Do not ask them to continue sharing information or press for more details than they’re willing to share in that moment.

Help educate your friend.聽Both of you can learn more about relationship violence by contacting the Gender & LGBTQIA Center at (336) 278-6228. Allow your friend to decide which resources make sense for their unique situation.

Suggest resources, but remember聽every step in the healing process聽the survivor鈥檚 choice. Refer the survivor to these resources, but allow them to make the decisions regarding their care. Avoid telling them how they should feel, respond, or behave.

Give it time.聽Wanting to quickly fix everything is normal, but not realistic. Violence takes time to heal. Respect the survivor鈥檚 process no matter how long it takes.

Respect the survivor鈥檚 privacy.聽If they have confided in you, then respect their privacy and keep the story to yourself unless you are explicitly given permission to share.

Seek help for yourself.聽As someone supporting a survivor you will likely also experience a range of thoughts, feelings and questions. Confusing, contradicting or upsetting thoughts are normal. Seek support for yourself to ensure you are taking care of your own well-being.

There is no right way to heal. You must be patient with the survivor, and with yourself. The emotional impact of violence may take time, patience and space to heal. For additional resources please contact the聽Assistant Director for Confidential Advocacy at聽(336) 278-5009 or akrauss3@elon.edu.